Stream of consciousness

So, this pretty much has no focus or topic. I just have like 3 random things to say.

Snow shoveling is hard. Especially when you only own a regular squared off shovel. I did half my driveway and quit. And then just walked to the grocery store. There is a reason I love the south and its because I decided that as a grownup I hate snow. I think I hate it because I just don't have anyone to play with.

Mtv has sucked me back in. They were losing me with the Hills and the City and the craptastic boring lame Real World. But then Jersey Shore came along and now I can't stop watching this show called My Life as Liz and then I started watching this Taking the Stage show about a performing arts high school and it makes me want to be a ballerina and all my dreams from when I was 4 are coming back. I wanted to be a ballerina but my first day of ballet class we had to jump over a pen. It was not my vision. I quit.

Last night I looked at all these wedding blogs and saved pictures so when I do get married I'll have things planned out already. I must note that I am single. And this is so not normal behavior for me.

School erodes my soul away.

google analytics

I was looking at my google analytics because it is 4:30 am and I have nothing else to look at and someone found my blog while searching for this:


"i am pretending to be my own boyfriend to impress my friend"


oh my. I hope I was helpful.



This made me look at all the rest of the search phrases and I've got some weird ones in there. I'm not sure if this blog was really what they were looking for.

"what actor, known for yelling "show me the money" celebrates his 42nd birthday today?" Good question but I don't believe I address that on this blog.

"blog skinny cute jealous of me" Whoever searched this is in exactly the right place.

"i'm popular pretty and skinny" Hey, me too. And incredibly modest.

"do i get free when im 75" No. Lo siento.

"how to happy on valentine's day without a boyfriend" Um, bake heart cookies and decorate them with black icing like I do. Then take your bitter pills and spend the night in the bitter barn. Smiles!

"i am 63, boyfriend is 56" At this point does age really matter?

"i am boy i have long hair with triangle shape face suggest me ne hair style" Cut your hair short you hippie.

"i can murder you with my bare hands, dine on your flesh, and pick my teeth with your bones" This made me google this phrase to see what else, aside from my blog, popped up. Ok, nothing else. I was pretty sure I made that up. And the fact that someone googled it verbatim is scary.

"i'm 16 and i'm growing chest hairr!!!!!!" Shave, wax, laser. I hope you are a boy.

"my dog pants when i'm in the room" That dog is weird! (said a la Brian Fellow in the goat episode) What part of a blog called At Least I'm Skinny makes you think I can help you with this issue?

"why do people say gtl baby" Because they are consumer whores. And I'm driving the consumer whore train.

"snookie beat up the beat shirt" Please tell me where I can get one of these. This might have inspired me to make my own Jersey Shore shirt, iron on transfer straight out of the dorm style of course.


Paula used to do these a lot which inspired me to track how people found my blog. I'm totally copying her.

My unsolicited opinion: real time vacay pic uploads to facebook

So, this post might only be interesting to, like, one person. And that would be my bff from work. Shout out 1993 style! And its probably because we're awake at 2am on a Wednesday. Tomorrow I'm probably going to read this and be like, um, I'm lame. The night does crazy things to your mind.

Anyways. When I logged onto facebook today I saw that my newly made facebook friend had posted some mobile uploads. Quick background on my newly made facebook friend. She is the girlfriend of one of the guys I work with who happens to have a job that intersects with ours. I met her first at the Christmas party and then on Saturday where she proceeded to be all drama queen and get hammered. I drove us all downtown and found a wine glass, an empty airplane bottle, and a solo cup in the backseat of my car where she was sitting. I am also in possession of her coat which she left at the bar when she went ghost during my Jersey Shore dance-a-thon.

So, first impression = good. Second impression = bad.

Well, apparently she and her boyfriend went on a vacay to the mountains this week. Great. Fabulous. Awesome.

She's mobile uploading pics of the vacay to facebook. Um, pics of the two of them in the hot tub.

Her boyfriend, my coworker, is NOT someone I would like to see without a shirt. Furthermore, I do not want to think about what happened between the two of them in the hot tub before, after, or during the taking of that picture. It made me want to die. It made me want to rip my eyeballs out of the sockets with my thumbs, pour bleach into the gaping holes and let it drain right into my brain to erase all memory and recollection of seeing these pictures. (Do your eye sockets connect to your brain? For the purpose of this illustration, yes, they do).

I'll give her the fact that her boobs looked good in the pictures and that yes, she is not sitting in Raleigh avoiding homework at the moment, but really? She's on vacation. She should have something better to do than worry about facebook. Obviously the hot tub isn't that great of a time if she's mobile uploading pictures.

The point - if you mobile upload pictures of your vacation to facebook your vacation sucks. Mobile uploading = LAME.

Update:

Apparently others share my feelings. Name and picture blocked to protect the innocent.

And looking back she's not the one who posted the hot tub pics, he was. She posted pictures of the ducks outside their cabin. Equally lame but far less disgusting.


Update #2: bff from work and I are NOT the only ones awake at this time of night. My stripper neighbor is outside yelling at her dog. Wearing white jeans. (The stripper not the dog.) It's only 2:26 am so I'm assuming she had the night off from shaking it for the regulars in the champagne room.

Night shift

So, as I might have mentioned, I'm working night shift this month. This means I sleep through the day. That usually doesn't work out so well for me. I don't have blinds on my windows at my house and despite claiming that they have special light blocking backing my curtains are pretty worthless. Being the innovative, creative, and cheap soul that I am I decided to put construction paper up on the windows. People. This really works. The red gives my room a nice rosy glow. Its very soothing.

I'm sure my neighbors think I'm crazy. Basically, it was either construction paper or aluminum foil and I chose the less weird of the two. I don't really need to block out any alien or government transmissions.

Please note my ultra ghetto curtain rods. I really haven't had a chance to decorate my bedroom so those are the ones the old owners left in that room. On the black window the top one fell off so instead of fixing it I just moved it down to the lower level of hooks. My house is ridiculous.

GTL baby!

First things first. I pregamed for the night with a couple episodes of Jersey Shore.

I woke up, fixed my self tanner, hit the dry cleaner to pick up my dress and realized I'm 2/3 of the way to GTL (gym, tan, laundry). I almost went to the gym just to hit that magic trifecta but I didn't have time.

I painted my nails and watched the Jersey Shore season finale and reunion show.

Here's how my ensemble worked out by the way:

I chose to go belted because I wanted to stand out and I figured no one else would be going for the edgy look. Plus I was getting ready to Rihanna and the belt made me feel like her. I'm glad I wore the belt because it made me stand out amidst the sea of black dresses. Next year I will choose a colored dress.

The shoes were also a big hit. I know the lighting in my kitchen is weird so here is the official Carlos Santana picture of the shoes.

The dinner went well despite my late entrance (not my fault, I was waiting on the people I was picking up). I had a slight anxiety ridden moment when I realized Ex-boyfriend and his fiancee/girlfriend/whateversheisthisweek were there. Not so much anxiety on his presence but she's the one who found my phone number and called me out of the blue and I don't trust her not to sucker punch me on the dance floor. Thankfully, I didn't have to decimate her in front of all my co-workers.

The dj at the dinner sucked but I'll pretty much dance anywhere and to anything so I made do. After the offical party was over we went to Solas -an ultra swanky club - and went upstairs. According to my sister the 3rd floor is VIP. Yeah, we're pretty baller. And we were with the owner. I felt like Lil Wayne. Solas is where my Jewish friend, who thinks he is Italian and wears an Italian horn, and I had the ultimate Jersey Shore house music battle. There was fist pumping, there was floor hitting, people were cheering "GTL baby!" at us, and some random dude was video taping. Jewtalian even tried lifting up his shirt to show off The Situation but he had a cumberbund underneath which kinda ruined the whole thing.

I managed to keep myself at a relatively happy drunk but still functioning level and switched to water at Solas which continued into the after after party. Yeah, that's right. I said after after party. Totally just like Jay-Z. Switching to water meant I didn't steal a hot dog this year and I remember everyone I talked to. Excellent.

I have a Rachel Zoe and her name is Reed-iculous

So, Reed-iculous is my own personal Rachel Zoe. We have already discussed my outfit options for the aforementioned formal/semi-formal (your choice because boys planned this thing) social event.

Now, I want your feedback.

I will present you with options and you will weigh in. If you have suggestions please add those as well. FYI, I will be applying sunless tanner prior to this engagement. Hopefully I will not be Snookie orange.

First things first. The dress.

This is the other shiny dress I own. It is an Issac Mizrahi for Target dress that I got at Goodwill for $6. I took it to the tailor and she shortened it but she said she couldn't take in the waist because the hips were too tight and she couldn't let them out because the fabric would show the holes from the prior stitching and taking in the waist would make a weird wrinkle because of it. I just said ok.

As a result the waist is not as tight as I would prefer. This brings me to the dress decision that needs to be made. To belt or not to belt.


To belt:

Not to belt:

Moving on. Jewelry. I am wearing gigantic "I just stole these from Lil Wayne" size cubic zirconia stud earrings. This is non-negotiable. However, I have some necklace and bracelet options that need to be determined. I have not decided whether to go for the "diamonds are a girls best friend" look or the "beyond thunderdome/I'm sarah connor from T2 & I ride motorcycles and wear leather jackets" look.

Necklaces include only diamonds are a girls best friend options. I need to find a leather jacket look silver necklace from somewhere other than Express where they expect me to pay $30.

Ok, bracelets. I have the diamonds are a girls best friend option, the I ride motorcycles option, and the beyond thunderdome option.

And finally, the purse dilemma. I have the green sequin one and the dark purple fake croc print one. It looks black but is really dark purple.


Purple with belt:

Green with belt:

Purple without belt:

Uh...I didn't upload this one because I'm sticking my stomach out in a very unflattering manner so you can just pretend based on the above picture. Oh God, I just looked at the other ones with the purses and I'm doing it in all of them. Gag me with a spoon. Barf choke for real. Whatever, the purple with belt was even worse than those so whatever. I am not pregnant.

Green without belt:

So after this I decided to have some fun and started playing America's Next Top Model. I was totally smeyezing even though you can't see my face.

And then I hit the best pose of all time:

Take my word for it, the face matches the pose. Ridiculous.

Le sigh.

I'm thinking I should change the name of my blog to "At least I used to be skinny" because in addition to some non fitting skinny jeans I have a non fitting dress with pockets that I was going to use as a backup dress this weekend for a social event.

Le sigh.

I present to you - My Favorite Shiny Dress In My Closet.

(I cannot pick an ultimate favorite dress so I am forced to categorize them into categories and then choose a favorite.)

This dress is the ultimate shiny dress in my closet for many reasons. One: the color. I love blue in any form. Two: it has pockets. I will buy any dress or skirt if it has pockets. Three: I only have two shiny dresses in my closet and this one is far superior to the other.

Here is me in the dress in January of 2008:

Fabulous right? And check out those pockets. Think of all the stuff I can carry in those pockets. And my hands will never get cold. Love it.

Here is me in the dress now:

Not so fabulous, right?

My pockets have turned me into some sort of marsupial.

And the hip area seams are screaming.

And it won't zip up all the way (but it is in the boob area so that is not a negative. It is actually a MAJOR POSITIVE).

Please ignore the hem that fell out. If I can ever fit into it again I'll take it to the tailor but at the moment the hem is a non-issue. Also, please ignore everything about my bathroom.


When I realized that the dress didn't fit I had a major case of the fats and was really bummed not only because I felt fat but also because I really love that dress and now I can't wear it. But now I'm ok because looking at the pictures its kinda funny to look at the little pocket area and pretend I'm a kangaroo. And seriously, not fitting into the dress is not that major.

And before you all go, "you're not fat blah blah blah" yeah I know that. I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm still skinny. I know I'm still skinny. I'm just irritated that I can't fit into some of my clothes. And the reason I can't fit into my clothes is that I'm not in shape. And I hate being not in shape. And since the dress looks so silly on me I decided to put it on the internet for your pleasure and entertainment.

I told Manwhore 2 about my troubles when I got to work and he just shook his head and said, "being a girl is so hard." He has no idea.

Also note that I bought the dress during my mono-breakup diet phase. Also note that the next two pictures are my idea of the perfect body. I never claimed to be normal.

Yes, I prefer the "I can murder you with my bare hands, dine on your flesh, and pick my teeth with your bones" look to the skinny "I'm a Hollywood it girl" celebrity look. I need to be ready to fight when the machines take over.

Keep an eye out for a post that includes pictures of the dress that I am going to wear and in which I ask for your styling opinions. Reed-iculous is my own personal Rachel Zoe and we have already conferred as to how I will probably style it but I like hearing the opinions of others.